For many years I would wander by the baby department and think how cute and soft everything looked and wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a baby to dress and wrap in all that cute and soft stuff. Then we had James. After a few days of everything becoming quickly stained with things exiting both ends of this child, I would pass through the baby department and look at those clothes and see the green and yellow and brown stains that weren’t there (yet). Then we had our baby girl and suddenly this usual avoider of all things pink was ready to wrap my world in pink. Then we no longer had our Grace when Edwards Syndrome took her from us. So then I would pass those baby departments feeling very sad that I didn’t have my baby girl to wrap in all that cute and soft stuff. And then it became the toddler dresses that made me sad because I didn’t get to have a toddler girl to dress and even make the cute little toddler dresses like my mother had made for me. As the years have passed (5 + years now), I’ve become less sad when seeing the toddler things. Maybe it’s the years passing (time healing all wounds, etc.) or knowing that Grace would be beyond these sizes.
Yesterday I walked through the baby department and glanced at the cute and soft things and felt and thought something new for me. Those things are just stuff. I felt very disconnected from the stuff. I thought about how a baby doesn’t need all that stuff. A baby needs someone(s) to hold them and feed them and keep them warm and safe and secure. A baby needs someone to sing to them and let them know that they are loved and valued. I can do that. I can still do that. Without the stuff.